A lot of goings on lately, so much, in fact, that I don't want to write about it all at once because it would make this post extremely long. So, I'm going to pretend that the first thing I write about just happened, even though it happened almost a week ago. The next post should be closer to the actual date, because it happened yesterday, and I plan on writing about it tomorrow. Still with me, kthxread!

In all my years of living in Rhode Island I have never been to 'The Foxy Lady', the premiere gentleman's night club in this state. Actually, I've never been to a strip club ... in RI. So I made plans with some of they guys, Magic, MJ, Corey, Champ, and Champs cousin Logan (MJ dropped off the radar that night, something about having a job or something). You want to know why this place is the premiere club in the state? Oh, sorry, I couldn't tell you either. Even if it has an all nude room. More like spill-all-of-your-drinks-with-our-immense-heels-and-lack-of-skill-to-walk-in-them room!

Seriously, these women were klutzier than Fat Albert on rollerblades. Granted, the Gold Room is a smaller more intimate setting where the 'dancers' entertain you by walking on the bar where you are sitting and drinking (which is the only place they can go) but please, ladies, if it's your goddamn job, you better learn to walk the walk before you tease the cock! (pronounce that like 'caulk' and it will rhyme). The first girl knocked over a full rum and coke of Champs, later another knocked over Champs cousins beer. He was absent as he was getting a dance, but I saved it for him and proceeded to hand napkins to the stripper as I scowled at her while she cleaned it.

Moreover, some of them forced money out of us. You see, as far as I am concerned, if you want to give a dancer money, you make it apparent. You put a bill in plain sight in front of you, or wave it in your hand, or even your mouth if your feeling sassy, and then they come to retrieve it, but do a sexy dance or favor beforehand. Now, in this case, I would be sitting down enjoying or protecting my drink - depending if 5 inch plastic platforms were coming down the bar - and sometimes a stripper would perform a little dance for me without my consent, then kneel down and demand a washington from me. That's like being one of those annoying people who walk up to you, read you some shitty poetry, and them say 'that'll be a dollar'. Fuck off! I didn't ask for it. If you were hot, or if you could write, maybe I'll give you my hard earned cash. If you're gonna beg, next time I'll bring jerky! you dog!

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think strippers should ever break character. Is that so wrong? Don't even answer, because it's not. The point of going to these establishments is to see women dance and entertain you, to see them act they way you want and do the things you want as well as say the things you want. That's entertainment, it's what you get paid for. I am not entertained about hearing about your major, or your dog, or your kids, ok? I do not want to 'relate' to you. I know some of you think that by sitting down next to us and 'relating' to us makes you seem more real, therefore making us more comfortable with you, and more willing to stuff our money between your breasts. Well guess what, not me. On the other hand, if you sat down next to me and talked dirty and told me about your gymnastics training, I may be interested in your services ... just maybe. I'm not a male chauvinist or womanizer, I just believe in doing your job right, whatever it may be. On a grander scale, stripping is something like acting, seeing as how they 'perform for money' in a sense. If you act, you should have a character - which should not be broken. Anyway, look on the bright side, if you have a character, you could separate your degrading and callow lifestyle from actual 'self' sense you are someone else when you're out of work. This may make you feel better about your life choice, and hey, your acting experience may get you a role in some independent exotic film! sounds good, right? Sure does, let me know when you start, cause I'll want to download it.

Ok, so maybe that went from me making a valid point about a personal, and justifiable, point of view, to an underhanded attack on the exotic dancing profession. Oh well. I will state, however, that I do respect these dancers more than prostitutes and the cast of MAD TV.