How 'bout a less introspective change of pace?

So I was shopping the other day. I was supposed to just get bread and cereal, and somehow bought 40 bucks worth of shit. Sushi, nuts, lunchmeat, wine, what? I don't NEED that!

Anyway, the thing that got me really steamed was the parking lot. Let me tell you the fucking absurdity that bestruck me. I saw an empty spot next right next to handicapped spots, predictably placed close to the entrance, and as I pull in, I see something that warps my world for one short moment. I lose control of my senses for a good second and half before I slam on the brakes and almost hit it.

My jaw agape, I see a sign in front of me that read 'Expectant Mother Parking Only'. The little stick figure had a bulging stomach and was leaned backwards - pushing a cart. Can somebody PLEASE rationalize this for me before a bubble bursts in my brain and I scream blood. What the fuck is stopping anyone from questioning any fat Kathy as to whether she is pregnant or not?

Situation
Emo youth worker: "Excuse me, me'am, this spot is for pregnant people only"
Some random fat woman: "Bitch! Rant! Cramps! Stretchmarks! Ovaries!"
Emo youth worker: "Oh pardon me, ma'am, I thought you were just a fat bitch"
Some random fat woman: "Pickles and Ice CREAMMMM!!!!!"
Emo youth worker: "Yes, aisle 6, have a nice day".

Handicapped people at least have something to prove they are crippled; I sure as hell do NOT see pregnant woman roving around the streets with signs - wait ... I do! Are you saying all I need is to get a 'baby on board' sign put on my car and I can use that space? Yea!

Wait! Hold my balls for a second! I should NOT be happy about this AT ALL! I should have rights to that space REGARDLESS!! This is taking steps in a direction that cannot be stopped now. Before you know it, there will be special spots for all kinds of people with the SLIGHTEST of difficulties with living. "Parking for people with STD's only", "Parking for middle children only", "Parking for Republicans only".

What is stopping people from doing this? Who the fuck decided pregnant woman need to park closer anyway? Why they fuck are they even shopping?? Who in their right mind let's their pregnant wife shop?!?! They will buy shit that makes no SENSE!!

This will make for good standup. Maybe one day I'll live in a cool city that will let me do it!!!

p.s. - Pope or Walid, do either of you have that 'Git 'er done' patch I made with the redneck punching the pregnant woman in the stomach, giving her a freedom abortion and causing her to bleed red white and blue? I don't have a copy. And this post made me think of it. I think it would go well down here.