This past weekend was great. I had 6 close friends from Massachusetts drive all the way down to visit me - that's two full days of driving for two days of visiting me. Those are real friends right there, man; the kind of people that make life worth living if you ask me.

I had my mid-term review today at work. Overall I am doing very well - but I was told I need to take more initiative, show more passion, get involved in things outside of my actual job. I know that I don't do that, but I just don't have the inclination to. I wanted to take some time after the talk to be candid with my supevisor and tell him how I have very mixed feelings about my job; sometime I love it, other times it just doesn't satisfy at ALL. I never want to stay late to finish something - it doesn't mean that much to me.

I wanted to talk to him and see if this is normal, if I am still adjusting, if maybe it's just this job and situation, or maybe it's just IT? Maybe I'm meant for something else. People all too frequently tell me I don't fit into typical 'IT'. Bah - I tell them they are just short-sighted stereotypical buffoons with no insight into humanities layers. They then just scoff at me.

So, this also mean in a few more month I'll be somewhere new. I really want to know where - I really want to try to get closer to home. But on the other hand I want to detach. I need to temper my individuality.

Though detachment never was my specialty. It's why I'm wound up in another relationship right now. One that started sweet and superficial but surreptitiously became serious - more or less. Despite me knowing I was leaving in less than 6 months (less for her) we got involved - we didn't care. One day, we realized that feelings sprang up - did it stop us? Nope. Now, we inevitably know it's going to suck more than it should when we part - Changes at home? Nope. Speaking of home, it's no longer in my apartment, I'll tell you that much.

The human instinct is selfish. We know what's right but are far too concerned with satisfying what we need here and now. Though I know a serious relationship would probly never work between us, since she (being 6 years my senior) is not looking to get involved seriously unless possibilities of marriage exist. I don't even believe in marriage - but that's a whole 'nother story.

Anyway, I'm just human, and humans are too weak to fight their primal desires for each other, for companionship and concern. There are so many other things I can think to do with my time, but a woman always rises above all else.

She sure is something, though. There is a lot I'm going to miss. But hey, at least it fits into one of my governing life philosophies. You learn and grow the most from your relationships with others, especially significant others.

Goodnite.