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So I've been very proactive lately in taking control of my situation - taking control of my life, you might say.
From here on it, it really is only going to be what I make of it, regardless of where I am or what I am doing or how I got here. It's what it is and there is no need to try and dwell on figuring out how it came to be, or how I could have made better decisions to lead myself to a point where I may more satisfied.
I think I've gone through all the self-therapy I need, I had my phase, my initial shock and awakening to this.
I sat down the other day and wrote a list. A list of things I want to do with my life. It's not really organized, it's not hierarchical based on time or effort or prerequisities. It's just a list of things I want to do. What I want to consume and create. I mean, that's what it basically boils down to, right? Unless destroying something is on your list. I didn't think of that.
Regardless, I've acted already. One of the things I've been wanted to do was self-educated through the philosophies and teaching of histories great minds. I bought Friedrich Nietzsche's masterpiece - Thus spoke Zarathustra; Sun Tzu's Art of War; Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha; and Sigmeund Freud's Civilation and it's Discontent. I feel these will be a good starting point to expanding my mind beyond the superficial media it takes in, and that they should help create a foundation for me to better understand the big things in life. First, I want to finish my current literary undertaking. I have one more of Chuck Pahlaniuk's books to finish, then I start this.
Other than that, I think I am going to start acting on my musical inclinations too. Soon as I get my gifts sent down to me from home, I'm going to take that guitar my little brother handed down to me, get some strings for it, and just have at it. I realize now that when I first tried to learn I was far too fixated on figuring out the best way to learn: should I get a book? should I get tabs on songs I like? what are the most prevalent and foundational chords?
I've talked to a few musicians that I know and respect, my little brother being one of them, and they all just tell me that as long as you practice and are dedicated that you can learn any way you like. I mean, I should have known better to know that. I just have a fixation for wanting a procedure, a plan. I'm slowly bringing myself to a more instinctual 'fuck that' attitude, I need to embrace my gut more often.
What more is that I plan on starting a project. In it's most understandable form it will be a website, but I am going to refer to it as my projection. A projection of my image and myself. A reference, a reposity, a gallery, to Kyle Del Bonis. It will house my journal, my pictures, any sort of product from creative endeavours, accounts of my personal musings and philosophies on life. A recording of me. An honest account of my life, to the best of my ability to render it as it travels from my brain as pure thought to the interpretation that results from my keystrokes.
That will take some time, and will probably take most of my energy and focus to not abandon. You see, I have come to terms as of late that I have a problem with commitment, particularly to long term endeavors and goals. I have wanted to do something like this website forever, but always used to get caught up in the act of conceptualizing and planning and when I realize how massive it actually would be, I falter, become overwhelmed, and wind up satisfying my creative hunger through something that provides immediate results: reading, video games, working out.
Mind you, those will remain facets in my life that I intend on pursuing and developing, but I need to grow this other part of me, and I believe that this project is what I need.
On a more casual note, I saw Hostel the other day and was not too impressed. I think the best way to describe it would be Quentin Tarantino's answer to Saw. However, as a retort to Saw as a whole, it fell flat. Strip Saw of any plot or character intrigue whatsoever, and buffet it with gratuitous nudity, drug use, while ramping up the visceral gore about twofold - and you have Hostel. I admit, I cringed and winced a few times, but took nothing away from the movie at all.
I suppose with Quentin being involved, albeit it on the Producer level, I expected something that would exercise my brain at least a bit. Instead, I was offered up a Snuff film produced on a Hollywood budget.
I should've just went to see the fuckin' Chroni-what-cles of Narnia.
On another note, I'm going to Florida for my next rotation. Boca Raton, about 30 minutes North of Miami. Not sure what to expect quite yet, let's hope for the best.
From here on it, it really is only going to be what I make of it, regardless of where I am or what I am doing or how I got here. It's what it is and there is no need to try and dwell on figuring out how it came to be, or how I could have made better decisions to lead myself to a point where I may more satisfied.
I think I've gone through all the self-therapy I need, I had my phase, my initial shock and awakening to this.
I sat down the other day and wrote a list. A list of things I want to do with my life. It's not really organized, it's not hierarchical based on time or effort or prerequisities. It's just a list of things I want to do. What I want to consume and create. I mean, that's what it basically boils down to, right? Unless destroying something is on your list. I didn't think of that.
Regardless, I've acted already. One of the things I've been wanted to do was self-educated through the philosophies and teaching of histories great minds. I bought Friedrich Nietzsche's masterpiece - Thus spoke Zarathustra; Sun Tzu's Art of War; Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha; and Sigmeund Freud's Civilation and it's Discontent. I feel these will be a good starting point to expanding my mind beyond the superficial media it takes in, and that they should help create a foundation for me to better understand the big things in life. First, I want to finish my current literary undertaking. I have one more of Chuck Pahlaniuk's books to finish, then I start this.
Other than that, I think I am going to start acting on my musical inclinations too. Soon as I get my gifts sent down to me from home, I'm going to take that guitar my little brother handed down to me, get some strings for it, and just have at it. I realize now that when I first tried to learn I was far too fixated on figuring out the best way to learn: should I get a book? should I get tabs on songs I like? what are the most prevalent and foundational chords?
I've talked to a few musicians that I know and respect, my little brother being one of them, and they all just tell me that as long as you practice and are dedicated that you can learn any way you like. I mean, I should have known better to know that. I just have a fixation for wanting a procedure, a plan. I'm slowly bringing myself to a more instinctual 'fuck that' attitude, I need to embrace my gut more often.
What more is that I plan on starting a project. In it's most understandable form it will be a website, but I am going to refer to it as my projection. A projection of my image and myself. A reference, a reposity, a gallery, to Kyle Del Bonis. It will house my journal, my pictures, any sort of product from creative endeavours, accounts of my personal musings and philosophies on life. A recording of me. An honest account of my life, to the best of my ability to render it as it travels from my brain as pure thought to the interpretation that results from my keystrokes.
That will take some time, and will probably take most of my energy and focus to not abandon. You see, I have come to terms as of late that I have a problem with commitment, particularly to long term endeavors and goals. I have wanted to do something like this website forever, but always used to get caught up in the act of conceptualizing and planning and when I realize how massive it actually would be, I falter, become overwhelmed, and wind up satisfying my creative hunger through something that provides immediate results: reading, video games, working out.
Mind you, those will remain facets in my life that I intend on pursuing and developing, but I need to grow this other part of me, and I believe that this project is what I need.
On a more casual note, I saw Hostel the other day and was not too impressed. I think the best way to describe it would be Quentin Tarantino's answer to Saw. However, as a retort to Saw as a whole, it fell flat. Strip Saw of any plot or character intrigue whatsoever, and buffet it with gratuitous nudity, drug use, while ramping up the visceral gore about twofold - and you have Hostel. I admit, I cringed and winced a few times, but took nothing away from the movie at all.
I suppose with Quentin being involved, albeit it on the Producer level, I expected something that would exercise my brain at least a bit. Instead, I was offered up a Snuff film produced on a Hollywood budget.
I should've just went to see the fuckin' Chroni-what-cles of Narnia.
On another note, I'm going to Florida for my next rotation. Boca Raton, about 30 minutes North of Miami. Not sure what to expect quite yet, let's hope for the best.
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