I removed the previous entry because it spoke to current faults of mine. Though the message still rings true about me and what I wanted people to comment on, the details and events of the scenario I put forth have been highly misconstrued and misunderstood by me.

I only recently realized that my attitude and demeanor lately in regards to said group of friends as a whole has been very ... provincial and presumptous. Suffice to say that my story was a severe perversion of the truth.

This is mainly because of the emotional swings I've been having lately due to friend and family anxiety and my foolish belief in keeping something I love and hold dear from changing. I lied to myself about things and eventually believed those lies, I took half-truths and rumours about events and devoured them as ammo to fuel my highly misguided and unfair points. I attacked people, I was callous, I was hurtful, I was protective, and I was shortsighted. I was also very selfish.

Now that this ordeal, which I'm pretty sure is still a big mystery to you if you've read it, is over I do feel a bit more enlightned. It is true that unless you experience the most vile aspects of human nature you won't understand perfectly how to not be vile, you won't fully grasp the concept of altruism and understanding because you really will have no comparison. Socrates has a quote that says it better, but I don't know it, and the book Siddhartha - which I just finished reading - is almost solely based on this principle.

I do take some solace in knowing that this was a growing experience for me. But it was pretty arduous. Although I'm not completely sure that I can fully undo the damage I have done to some people, and that group as a whole, I do know I will be much better prepared to handle similar situations in the future with more tact and grace.

That said, I still would like to hear about people's opinions concerning the question posed in the previous post if you do remember it. It truly is hard sometimes to understand yourself and your actions when, in comparison to those of others, they seem unordinary and uncommon.

On a lighter note, I have another story about going out from last night that I may post. I have it up on the messageboard I share with my friends, but I don't want to toss it up here just yet cause then this post will be ignored - and who wouldn't want a closer look at the cogs of the machine that is Kyle Del Bonis?