Hearts and Thoughts, they fade.

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

Jesus, where have I been.

Work is slow lately, I spend most of the day preparing paperwork for going abroad to England. It's really annoying. And the work part of my day doesn't have many hurdles anymore. It's all winding down. Just 3 more weeks - exactly, actually. Still gotta book that rental car from here to Bradenton ... and my flight from Orlando to Danbury for training ... and then somewhere around Danbury to someplace near where I'll be living in England. As you can see I really don't got it altogether. I actually need to start deciding what personal belonging I want to take, since I only get one large box. Something called a D-Crate.

But that's it for the facts. I prefer to use this journal as a self-exploration and self-documentation outlet, and that's what I'm about to do.

So lately I've reconfirmed, and now fully realized as a fundamental part of who I am, something about me. I'm a Romantic. Not in connotation of the old sense of being superfluously charming and endearing, but more in the sense that I prefer to be in relationships rather than not. I like sharing my life with a significant other, I like liking and being liked, and love loving and being loved. I can go for stints alone, and push past my burning desires, but when presented with an opportunity to once again pursue what I see to possibly be a beautfiul and fulfilling relationship with someone, I often never pass it up. Actually, I often times find myself trying too hard to make it happen, or at least I think so.

For the record, I consider myself a pretty scrutinizing and discerning judge of character. I rarely come across people I can truly consider friends, much less partners. So when I do, I really get drawn into it. Like I've made some great discovery and I want nothing more than to see the result of my being with that person. The learning, growing, living. everything. There could be nothing more than that.

And anyone who knows me well enough knows that one of the most vital principles of my life philosophy is that I believe that we can learn the most about ourselves, others, and the world in general, through our relationships with other people - be them friends, family, or significant others. Each person in the world is so unique and unlike anyone else - we are all our own world, our existence is a microcosm of a universe all our own. I also believe that the stronger those relationships are - the more love involved, that is - the greater the experience. So, I think that relationships with significant others can quite possibly be the most enriching things most people can experience in life.

But of course I would think that way. I'm a Romantic.

However, my philosophy coupled with my judgment is dangerous. Simply put, since I rarely encounter people that I want to be with, and since the opportunities I see within those people are the ones my heart desires most out of life, I become far too concerned about them until I am sure of what they are. I ponder and analyze the health of the interactions such as if I were courting a hard-boiled egg. I care far too much about doing, saying, or interpreting something wrong that I often counterthink and overreact to situations.

If I can make past that stage successfully, though, without appearing to be some clingy, overbearing, fool, the result is the most beautiful thing this life can afford to me.

I really am a fool for love. What can I say.

It's Like That, and That's the Way It Is

Hearts and Thoughts, they fade.